of falling stars and wishes

This is my first post after coming to this land and the change in geography hasn't been much of a help to my general well being and my mind is as blank as ever. Its like I'm on drugs without the pacifying effect of relaxation and euphoria, its hard for me to even compose the simplest of sentences to describe the deep dark blankness that encompasses me now at this moment. I'm an automaton responding to external stimuli in the logical way possible with nothing whatsoever effecting my general blankness. I'm good as dead and all the people i see around look like they are desperately hanging onto life and making faces as if they are enjoying every moment of it while I know its a big farce. The biggest thing that astounds me time and again is why do people stereotype and what makes them think that all people follow their survival instincts, hormones and respond expectedly to known stimuli. I know I'm living against my wishes doing what I don't what to do knowing that people around me are putting up a show to teach me about life one of these days when I think I've had enough I'll just hang up my boots and walk out in a dignified way. Every minute I'm waiting for that glorious moment of enlightenment when the ills of this world conquer my ubiquitous love of life and helps me cut loose to float freely into the void. Till then I'll be playing my part on the stage with my mask on, smiling and waving knowing it could be the next moment that the curtain falls and I'll exit smiling.