incoherent blabberings of incessant madness

I'm 25 and already seem to be having a mid life crises you know the sort of feeling where you think you are doing whatever you could and yet you feel you are living a mediocre life when compared with your antique scooter driving neighbour. Well some things in life don't seem to have a legitimate explanation which makes us human beings concoct explanations that are more palatable to us but the irritating part is when we expect others also to see the way we see it. Now my friend that is what pis@#s me off, and the most irritating part is the way every idiotic fool tries to grab a chance in forcing you to see life from their skewed perspective. when it comes to life i believe everyone thinks he has mastered the art of living and hence ordained by the universe to rub off the same onto the less privileged mortals who are looking up towards him. By now you must have guessed that i go through some pretty serious turmoil internally because of my conflicting views and my family's persistent religious and "getting-serious-about-life" rhetoric that bombards my senses every conscious moment of my life. Well I've got used to this since my childhood so even a nuclear fallout may not make a significant impact on my way of thinking or perceiving life, unless of course i lose my sanity, maybe then ill run after money and career and all that nonsense that I'm currently "overlooking" in my family's view, while running after relations and other little things that mean nothing in a few days to come. I'm not so talented at making other people see life in my perspective neither will i be able to ( common what have i got that can counter against money, career and all that nonsense associated with a successful life.......... happiness? whom are you kidding?), nor am i interested in wasting my precious moments of life engaged in making idiotic nitwits realize that life need not necessarily be lived in what they perceive as a "successful" way and that success is subjective and depends on the view of the person rather than on the fickle established standards. i rest my case.......i think with the help of my family and friends i can hone my inherent madness and qualify for a place in any mental asylum soon. I think everyone tries to get busy with something or the other(thereby leading a "meaningful existance) just in order to escape age old questions like what is life and death, and that is one of the many causes people try to find refuge behind "holy books". i think they have been posed for ages now and they will remain answered by faith and other such bullshit and not by the truth because the truth is hard to come and and much harder to accept i mean how many of us can accept that we simply cease to exist after we die?. See Im already an atheist, a blasphemer and a deviant. By the way why cant we just leave what will happen to us after death and concentrate on our present day life that way we would save ourselves from all our anguish, pain and suffering. Mankind has been tormented by these questions and he pushed himself further into the quagmire by trying to explain these with religion. Religion has not only failed in explaining them but has successfully manipulated human thinking to believe that every action in the present day life affects the unseen "life after death" which even the modern day human being with all his science, reasoning and "rational" thinking has fallen victim to and attributes it to faith. Faith and Religion are good as long as you are not hurting someone else. Alas my dreams of shambala i know will be in vain for a martyr for one community is an aggressor to another and man in all his modern day glory hasnt been able to control his basic instincts and they are manifest in some or the other falsely justified way either by religion, popular culture, skewed "democratic" legislation and at times by the age old sheer brute force and a peaceful secluded living is not possible for not identifying yourself with some or the other establishments of society or community in general will prove detrimental for your very existance. I would like to quote a poem by martin niemoller a german who supported nazism in the beginning thinking it was good for his country until he saw how easily people can be manipulated into believing its ok to kill other people for their survival or supremacy and how easy it is to legitimise anything that is against human conscience by stopping people from thinking rationally . eventually he was sent to the concentration camps too this poem sounds funny but really drives home the point of supporting each others right to survive.(not at others expense and right to survive doesnt include oppressing others).

martin niemoller (1892-1984)

when the nazis came for the communists
i remained silent
i wasnt a communist

then they locked up the social democrats
i remained silent
i wasnt a social democrat

then they came for the trade unionists
i didnt protest
i wasnt a trade unionist

then they came for the jews
i did not speak out
i wasnt a jew

when they came for me
there was no one left to speak out for me

ill sign out now hope youll have a great week ahead