its only words and words are all i have

Had a hard time sleeping. people don't be so judgmental please i really don't care if you want to think so but i think i have the right to defend myself. I'm no God to understand something without somebody telling it and after feeling betrayed do you really think i can believe someone when they try to convey me something through secret signs (that includes my parents) i mean when I dont really know what their intentions are? (is it for hurting me to change me or to help me?).

I'd rather show the world that im happy to be cheated by someone whom i know will cheat me than by someone whose intentions i never know (revenge or hurting me?).

Nobody tells me anything and people start acting strangely around me and now they think i know everything seriously people how can you be so biased cut me some slack here will you?. there was very little i knew and that was by guesswork and that very little was not so believable to me because even my most trusted friend, brother acted strangely. I dont know how many people I have hurted in this process but I was hurt the most and if you still insist on doing that go ahead you cant kill a dead donkey.

people one last time you tell me something I'll believe it, you dont i dont and there is very little left in me that pleads me to be sane and rational. with all of you around i found solace in people whom i had only memories of. maybe everyone isnt like me in getting hurt in order to prove my love or adoration.

How hard is it for you to understand that noone ever told me anything and i knew nothing and even with my guesswork i wasnt ready to believe after all that has happened even now i have problems but i go on because any pleas i make will fall on deaf ears and all you people out there are hell bent on accomplishing a benevolent task of helping me finding my footing but that seems to have cost more than it ever required thanks to your understanding and my foolishness in thinking that just because you talk to me makes you believable just because you act like you care makes you trustworthy. I understand that you are not so cheap as to make ambiguous statements its me who foolishly misunderstands them. God help me If ever there is one.