dreams are my reality

If ever there was a hope

I found it in you

But the way you bowed down

to this earthly race

has left me broken

and killed my last breath

now I live dead in you

an autumn leaf a rolling stone

Ill stop the day my life ends

like the wind and the brooks

Till then my journey continues

no place to go no hope to cling

and this poem fades soft as it began

the only hope i have is in you

false hopes

im gonna ride the sorrow railroad

down to that gloomy yonder town

time called and you never did hold

its down the track for me alone

The wheels lost their rhythm

the meadows their smells

its all soot and smoke

with tears that run and choke

i know it aint easy

to let you go

but time is just that way

never hears the plans we share

and the little secrets we hold

nor does see the dreams

or the future we foretold

I know its gonna be lonely

down to the end of the line

but ill hold on for i know

youll be waiting there for me

ill kiss your sweet face

promise never to let you go

for time can never touch us

nor does sorrow cold

for Ill have you in my heart

and there aint no place for more

LONGING

Eternal silence

Tender soft and sweet

In the darkness silently creep

To my stead for me

Sweet are the last gulps of breathe

Sweet are life's memories too

But don't let me turn back

for theres nothing left to be true

My life's been wasted

and my love too

Now here I wait

To hear thy muffled footsteps

To discern thy shape in the darkness

and the glint of thy scythe

Conceal me in thy mighty embrace

and as you leave

Let me go with you

BEAUTY OF A TEAR

Every word here is a lie
for truth is never told with beautiful words
Every tear "disappears" it exists in oblivion
for theres no beauty in its existance
Only sunny days and blooming flowers
ever capture the imagination
gloomy days and streaky cheeks
never find the light of words
for who finds beauty in suffering


Life is a race from the word go
to escape death and pain
knowing not ironically its just a trap
we end up in their embrace
while running away from them
only "fools" stay back to touch and feel
death and pain are just as real
Feel for they stop being what they are
and become just a part of life
In the quest for the meaning of life
and life after death
everybody loses perspective
while fools die a peaceful death
the enlightened turn in their graves
for not being fools

down the road

My heart succumbed

to a lonely open road

like tender to fire

a melancholic fancy

for a glowing death

traversing ignoring the doom

that awaits at the end

stopping at every corner every turn

reliving the memories that hide

behind milestones tantalisingly

every mile marker

a pain a pleasure

upto you to stop and hold

or let them dissapear

in the darkness following you

DOWN THE ROAD

every lonely heart succumbs

a lonely open road

midnight showers

ive been waiting for some rain for two days now but it looks like its not gonna happen anytime soon. i love rainy nights. nights make me feel like that it is raining just for my happiness. to get drenched, smelling the sweet smell of the earth and then feeling that all that is just for you is heady and it makes me all poetic and religious. common i never said i dont believe in God. i had a beautiful drive back home just me and the empty road in the rain. well i got a bonus with the rain, empty roads, the normally busy beach road looked deserted and did i tell you loneliness makes me feel that the whole world and all its beauty has been created for me?...... i love a rainy night such a wonderful sight..... wish it would atleast tomorrow

the emptiness hurts my senses

Not a cloud on the horizon
Yet not a sun in my skies
My moon weathered away
and my last star streaked out
The dust dissapears from under my feet
and Im suspended in emptiness
My only hope is the darkness of the void
with which my heart still holds
going beyond the end the moment it loses
Where unembraced love finds solace in eternal silence

Even a broken clock gets to be right twice a day

The irony of life is people try to influence you to become something in life but they never have the faintest idea of what they are asking you to do, and just because you love them and wait for instructions to do what they want to do they think you are a loser and they need to change you by doing things that scar you for the rest of your life,making you think was it really worth it that you thought about them in the first place and the answer is a bitter no that reverberates through your senses and shakes you to the core. If inflicting pain can change people then it will definitely change but not me because I dont want to lose in life one more time just because you wanted me to just because you dont have the faintest idea of what next to do with my life and hence blame me for being a failure. I'd rather die trying.

enlightenment "out of the world kind"

If there is one thing that hasnt changed since I last posted on this blog its my madness infact it has exponentially increased and contributes to the general chaos in my life which is necessary for my existance since everything ordinary appears unsubstantial to me. Every day is "lights on, camera, action " for me where everybody puts up a show either for my benefit or i put up a show to tell them i dont even remotely recognise their antics. But over the years no matter what idiotic things i did intentionaly or unintentionally I've realized that Ive never strayed away from being true to what I wanted to do to the people I love. Maybe I've never been true to myself and now in retrospection life was worth living and being true to myself is loving when and whom and what i wanted rather than loving what someone else wanted me to love. Realization in my context is a cruel thing it hits me right when i Im down and i can do nothing about something. Life has always been about those "tumki" (all rights reserved) revelations you get when you are with people who look shallow at the first sight but have a geat insight into life and are more benevolent and sweet than temple and church going people who appear pious and down to earth but are actually trying to get the next bigger better deal.

I've had my 26th bday popup and i went on a long ride and a gruelling introspection revealed that escapism is no way to live so here i am wiser with a few hairs lost to sleepless nights and a job that gives me a sunshine every midnight, an oppurtunity to revel in love that I've so far faked for people (read as my mom et. al.) with people i hated the most around me. Life is a journey and along with making sacrifices for the people I love I"ve added another thought to influence my every action from now on and that is "of what worth is it when you just leave the things that you love just because you think you cant fight back or just because time and money dictate that its against their will to let you revel in a companionship that youve till now faked never existed for the benefit of people who wanted such a thing to happen."

On a more sober philosophical note we all seem to pray to Gods and Godesses who find our prayers and offerings appealing and then blindly insist on executing their will without the slightest regard for what we plead or beg for. Its funny that we tell ourselves everything works out for our good, we always get something better than what we have lost now but why is that we never ask ourselves that the almighty can never turn what we like into something good too for us and make changes in his will so that he can include what we like to work out for us?. this leaves me with 3 possibilities either 1) God doesnt care what we ask for, its just that we inherently owe him and he is least liable to give us what we ask for 2) We give up too early because we never really cared for it in the first place and had second options ready as we doubt him and change our priorities in he first hint of a failure (common who wants to be a "failure" and for a life time? a definite no no for life here is all about being successful idiots and nitwits who give in to paper to whom we ourselves have attributed value to) 3) God is just a figment of our imagination to whom we attribute all super powers and see him as a miracle maker when in reality he doesnt involve in earthly affairs and just lets us depend on our wits and conscience to make it through this worldly life and then judges accordingly and compensates appropriately in which case I'd rather die trying for something that I really love than live a lie. I dont want my epitaph to read "wonderful human being, a good husband and a caring father but a liar unto himself" I'd rather have my epitaph read "packet returned unopened. p.s: no takers"

Call me selfish if you will I dont want to tell the truth for I really know I've been true to the thought that A sacrifice for the people you love is worth even if it costs a life i dont blame people for misunderstanding me. My life did make ambiguous statements for the benefit of my mom i paid the price and moving on in my life only means following my new revelation "of what worth is it when you just leave the things that you love just because you think you cant fight back or just because time and money dictate that its against their will to let you revel in a companionship that youve till now faked never existed for the benefit of people who wanted such a thing to happen.". I know Im fighting a losing battle but the almighty can never judge me for Ive been no coward, been true to myself and most of all he didnt find a place for my thoughts in his will. Unworthy i may be I am still standing and fighting for i know i lose the day i give up and i hope he realizes that a competent adversary is better than an incompetent friend. I rest my case.................